Week 15 down 46 lbs and counting

Finally, I found Betty Lite bread... it took 15 weeks, but I managed to find it.

The elusive 100% whole wheat bread that yields you 2 full slices per day (more tangible food than any other bread item) can be found in Ottawa at the Produce Depot on Carling Ave, or at the Independent Grocer on Bank Street by Hunt Club. Its not on the Gatineau side, thats for sure. What a nice change it is to finally have some toast for breakfast, or a cold cut sandwich for lunch. Mmmmmm

I was quite tired this week though. It may have been the combination of work burnout and just waiting for vacation to come, or the diet. I was being lazy and taking my K-Lite tablets twice daily. However, the nurse on Friday told me to break it up quarterly - the K-Lite is so fast acting that my body probably needs he more frequent intake throughout the day to help with the energy level. Im not so sure about that. Its Saturday today, and my first day of vacation. Im still feeling quite bagged. (Note to Reader: As luck would have it, after writing this, Aunt Flo paid a visit. I shouldve known, since that usually knocks out my energy...)

I learned a valuable lesson though that you just cant put anything past the ketosis-o-meter. I attended a gathering on Tuesday night with colleagues and nibbled on what looked to be an innocuous cracker. However, after one tiny nibble, the pumpernickle, sunflower seed and obviously sugar-encrusted morsel stopped my fat-burning cold. My punishment? Two days relegated to diet isolation for me from the nurses - no fruit for two whole days. My consolation? I could load up on three jello cups in lieu. Hmmmm....

Luckily after my two days fruit-penance I was back to a two (++) burn and didnt seem to lose and fat-burning momentum.

As a treat, I started my vacation last night with a jaunt to the National Arts Centre last night to see the touring Broadway production of Grease. A super show, with a special treat of meeting Taylor Hicks of American Idol fame. I like his music, so as I sent my son in line to get a CD signed, Taylor glanced up at me and gave me a nice warm smile and we locked eyes. Feeling like a million bucks in my skinny jeans and jacket, I felt like a million bucks. What a handsome guy...how attractive I felt!

Plus, when I came home, my mom had arrived for a visit for the period of our vacation. I hadnt seen her for four months - since before I started the diet. She was utterly dumbfounded when I walked into the house. She said "wow, what a difference - how beautiful I looked - that I looked fantastic." My mother-in-law was also visiting this week and whispered in my ear that she was so proud of me. It makes me feel good to know others see the difference.

Every weigh-in day I come home and proudly say to my husband, "Guess what I weigh now!?" On Friday he smiled lovingly at my exhortation of "161"as my new lowest weight, then tongue-in-cheek says" Not good enough!" We both know my goal is 140, so he eggs me on to keep going, all the while giving me a nice smack on the butt. Our little game.

However, Im proud most of myself - to give myself this gift of health and to let me return to my sense of self and image.

And so, with a final leg of 21 lbs to go - a little over 1 month left - I can honestly say that Im not in the homestretch, but in it for the longhaul.

Ill never be finished with the Bernstein program. Once I reach my goal weight I will be a lifer.

I never want to lose this again - my health or my shape or my happiness.

Only 21 more lbs to go (or a little more than one month left) to reach my goal of 140. Steady she goes....

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January 12th and counting

Well, the time has passed when were officially into the New Year and the resolution to modify our behaviour and habits has either taken root or been carted to the curb with the remnants of the holidays.

Im happy to report that Im still on track - though not without some challenges.

I agree with another Facebook Dr. Bernstein client "Chef Michelle" that Maintenance is not easy. Its a real challenge to face the portion control on your own - particularly after the holidays. I spent time on Sunday grocery shopping, cutting, measuring and packaging my veggies and breads and meats, but I find myself sneaking carbs left right and centre aisle....

What is wrong with me? I dont even feel hungry yet my hand reaches out for a cookie or a handful of nacho chips (multigrain mind you) like Im a frogs tongue instinctively snatching some fleeting prey before it escapes.

I didnt do that on the program! I knew better. I had the willpower. Why is it so hard to stay on strict?

I think like with the Maintenance program, doing it on your own has no consequences. On Strict, youre in the clinic Monday, Wednesday and Friday for weigh-in - scrutiny - monitoring. Youre accountable.

At home, Im only accountable to my scale and myself. But shouldnt I be more accountable and guilt-ridden if Im not meeting the mark than for some complete strangers?

Im doing okay - Im down 2 lbs on my own by just cutting back and eating sensibly, but I feel like I need to do the Tune-Up program just to get back down and feel in fighting form. I need to feel the hunger pangs again in the morning and see the steady progress.

I dont think Im ready to do this alone yet. Maintenance sets you off on your own devices - but its not easy. Even with the once-weekly weigh-in and injection, its not enough for me. I still need some hand-holding.

Strange isnt it. When you reach goal weight you think youre invincible - until you realize that its a slippery slope with one glass of wine here - then another...then a couple of chips to a handful...to a small portion of pasta to a half large plate...to a mini-muffin top creeping over your new skinny jeans to make your heart stop.

I didnt pay $3,500 for a program, and new clothes and reclaiming myself to fail and overindulge. I need to re-read my blog and remember the journey and the joy, and remember what got me here.

Is anyone feeling theyre going to slip down the slope and regress? I dont believe I would go far down the slope, but even a slight trip scares the crap out of me.

Whats my Apple for the day?

In our house, at supper time, we each share a good thing about our day (our Apple), and something crappy as well (our Onion.) So my Apple is that my hair loss has stopped. Ive been good for the last month. As a physician friend said, likely a stabilizing of the thyroid after the rapid weight loss. I didnt find the Nixoderm did much except dull my blonde highlights, so I stopped using that. (BTW for the comment in December that I didnt see - I bought it at my hair salon - I havent seen it in any stores.)

Another Apple is that for the winter skin moisturizing, I still use baby oil daily, and my skin has remained taut and healthy, so thats good!

For my Onion, for the past week Ive been sticking to strict plan and portions, but when I get home, I cant stop myself from eating bread...slices of 14 grain or flax seed cookies (at 140 calories each) just for the hell of it. Why?!

I think I need to recruit my husband to be the bread gestapo and halt my enemy incursions.

Geesh. The program was so much easier; real life is too tempting.

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Day Two and counting

So, it was really difficult to get back on the diet bandwagon yesterday.  When youve let yourself slip to grab some popcorn here, and starches and carbs there; a few sweets thrown in for good measure, it requires a real kick in the ass to resurrect some self discipline.

However, its back baby!

And while I cant say its back with a vengeance, me sitting here in my size 10 jeans with a muffin top hanging over the edge is motivation enough to say, "Bring on the veggies and egg whites!"

So, I was dutiful today and have stayed within the Bernstein proteins, 16 oz veggies, 2 melba toasts, an apple and 1 Jello cup, with lots of water and decaf coffee, which is making my heart happy.

Yup, Im actually feeling a bit of the hung pang starting to develop (so I know Im in the right zone.)

Ive pulled out the Daily Multi vitamin; picked up some Vit B complex pills at the pharmacy; taking a few Senokot S with my meals (wow - was that a shock when that kicked in at lunch again... I had forgotten about the power of those little orange pills) and staying away from the bad food cravings.

Heres to my willpower.  Im sure if I pull out the old pee sticks and jar tomorrow morning, Ill be back on the right track if I see ketosis in full bloom.

Heres to the pee-stick!

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