So how did I fare after 2 years

Well, the ultimate test of my willpower and ability to stay away from those pitfall foods and manage stress shows is evidenced in the photos.  Im at my heaviest - 214 - and am rejoining my Ottawa clinic on January 5th.

Enough is enough!

While I have tried to restart a few times, the last two years were very stressful and active.  I left my job to start my own consulting business, and also work in a very emotionally charged field of anti-human trafficking.  Suffice to say, having the luxury to spend a large amount of time for myself and on my personal health needs was not front and centre.

However, enough is enough.

I had to bag up all of my beautiful clothes that I purchased when I reached my previous goal weight of 140 lbs/Size 8/10, give them away and over the last 2 years, replenish my closet with 12, 14, 16, 18 and the odd size 20 items.  It was heart breaking.  I was just elated when I bought gorgeous clothes from JCrew - received compliments from friend, family and colleagues - but it vanquished as quickly as it came.  Within 8 months I went from a 140 to 155.  Within 10 months to 165.  Within 12 months to 180.  And now, two years later, 214.  Holy s%&^*!

No - this is not me...

Even more depressing was trying to find a dress and look that is true to me for my nieces recent wedding.  My dress was a comfortable Size 20, but as I am my own biggest critic, it looked like a Macys moomoo with glitz and glam to deflect attention from my 40DD bust and wide-load butt.

In true form, the clinic made a courtesy call prior to Christmas to let me know that I still had a 2-week credit in my file.  I told them Id be in on Monday, January 5th at 9:00 a.m..

As my children are now 14 and 9 years old, my eldest is joining me for 3x weekly exercise and fitness activities as he is a fitness enthusiast, and my 9-year old aspiring Cordon Bleu chef will be helping me prepare and stay on track with my meals.

I learned a lot of tips and tricks the last go-round, so I know what works for me in the loss department.  Now, once I regain my goal weight, I will need to stop thinking that I can be left to my own devices and get serious about that slippery slope of sugar, carbs, alcohol and portion sizes for my metabolism.

Ive lost 2.5 decades to obesity and regret.  I think this year, for every pound I need to lose, Ill need some physical and ceremonial activity to free the fat back to their home - and not feel this sense of ownership to weight, obesity and regret.

This will be a real test of mental and lifestyle shift.

Heres to 2015.  By May 13th (my 47th birthday) I WILL be back to my 140 amazing weight.  A body remembers - I remember - so this is my personal pledge and resolution.

So here we go.

Do I regret having to be back here, starting from scratch again to relive (and reinvest) in losing unwanted pounds and reclaiming my healthy natural frame?  Yes - Im also chagrined.  However, thats life and my lessons learned.

H.

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